Tuesday, 16 July 2013

He-Man and Why I Heart Him

This morning a co-worker asked why, at 34 years old, I still love He-Man. Aside from smack-talking green tigers and unicorns, there are two real main reasons that stuck with me.

The first was one of (if not my very) first memory. I was three, bouncing on my parents’ bed while Ma was getting ready for a night out. Having the balance of a bowling ball even before being introduced to alcohol, I naturally fell off the bed flat on my face. Unflinched and never taking her attention off putting in her earrings, Ma asked “Y’aight?” I knew even then that crying wasn’t going to get me shit and there was nothing nearby I wanted. But then I saw it: a blonde barbarian and a green armored tiger in a clear window box under her bed.

 
I had but a split moment to react so I grabbed that enchanting box and started. Fucking. BAWLING.
Ma finally turned around and knew instantly I had forced her hand. She hastily tried to explain it was a present for my asshole cousin but the damage was done; I was “injured” and discovered a new toy. The victory was mine and thus started a lifetime love for all plastic He-things.
The second reason is perhaps a bit more personal. Ma decided to tell me I was adopted at an early age so that I could grow into the understanding. It was a smart move but what was even more clever was how she snuck in a Masters of the Universe allegory to help me grasp it. Y’see, He-Man’s main squeeze Teela was adopted by Man-At-Arms at birth… just like me!
 
Teela’s real mother, the Sorceress of Grayskull, was unable to care for her daughter. Even though she loved Teela, she couldn’t raise her properly so she was forced to send the young infant off to be raised in a more loving environment. It was genius that Ma was paying attention and managed to explain something so difficult for us both in a way that I was already familiar with.
Also, there are smack-talking green tigers and unicorns in He-Man. Duuuuuuhhh!

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Paula Deen and the T Word

Paula Deen's apology tour took her to Ashdown Forest.
 
Unfortunately, a misunderstanding resulted in Ms. Deen being escorted off the premises by Christopher Robin.