Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Disney Presents... Star Wars?


Amidst the super storm Sandy, news broke today of Disney's $4.05 billion acquisition of LucasFilm and the Star Wars licence.  Moreover, Disney would produce Episode VII, aiming at a 2015 release date.  Within seconds, the Internet was stormed by angry fanboys voicing their squeaky-voiced hated of the House of Mouse.

I too was a little taken aback by the announcement.  Suddenly up was down, left was right, and AT-ATs skipped through the daisies.

Luckily, the collective nerdosphere has had some practice with Disney horning in on our loved ones.  Several months ago, Disney also bought out Marvel Comics.  People spat at their monitors and tablets, crying fowl and fearing Wolverine would turn start singing to birds and deer.

Fast forward to today and the impact has been minimal, more just an exchange of funds between parent companies.  Business.  Simple as that.  Happens every second of the day.

Star Wars, however, is more than just a cash cow to the fanboys.  It's a lifestyle.  Our first love.  It was alarming and startling and I haven't had an erection since the announcement.  Given that, I decided to mull over the possibilities (albeit erectionless) instead and look at it as subjectively as I can.

So, for anyone who cares, here's my two Imperial credits:

The Sequel
Although reports are conflicting, it's been said that George Lucas had originally wanted to make Star Wars a nine act play.  Then, during production of the prequels, he said it was only meant to be a six act play.  The comment may have been flippant but take into consideration that this is the man who pretends the Star Wars Holiday Special never existed.  And it did.  Oh, it did.

Regardless who said what, the deal is done and more Star Wars makes me so I happy I could rip the ears off a Gundark.  There was a sense of remorse and loss at the end of Episode III since (at the time) it truly was the end.  Also, it was really shitty.

With a new sequel, the possibilities are endless!  Naturally, people's first hopes and prayers are that Timothy Zahn's seminal Thrawn Trilogy of books are made into a movie.  This be mah vote, y'all.

Other possibilities are the adventures of Han & Leia and Luke & Mara Jade's children, although two of them didn't have particularly happy endings. Even further in the future is the great, great, great-something-or-other grandson of Luke, Cade Skywalker.  Alternatively, something completely new and unexpected may be in the cards.  We just don't know so there's just no point in ripping your four chest hairs out.

The Current Franchise
One thing we learned from the Marvel merger was that Disney likes to get their house in order quick. Not long after the announcement, any Marvel television show that wasn't under their jurisdiction was given the axe.  The process is slow but we'll start to see Disney's efforts in a big way when their slew of Avengers and Hulk-related series premiere in the new year.  Will they be any good?  Time will tell.
 
What this suggests for the Star Wars franchise as of today could be a mixed bag.  LucasFilm has a lot of people in their Star Wars pockets, from toys to props to R2-D2-shaped tampons.  Some clear targets on Disney's bullseye, however, would be their current televised series Star Wars: The Clone Wars which is produced by Cartoon Network.  Enjoying five years of success, this won't be making money for Disney so... y'know... it's been a slice Ahsoka Tano.
 
Another casualty may be Dark Horse Comics who have published Star Wars comics since 1991, winning the property from Marvel Comics... which Disney now owns.  Weird, huh?

Lastly, 20th Century Fox was the distributor of all six Star Wars films and the familiar fanfare opening each film will no doubt be replaced by the Magic Kingdom.  That said, Fox is an agent of Satan so whether Star Wars is distributed by Hell itself or Neo-Nazis is really of little imporance.

The Future
Here's the thing, we all love Star Wars and whether we agree with a deal with Disney or not, we're getting more movies, and you're damn right you'll be forking over your paycheque for anything that comes of it.

Now one could say that Uncle George, the creator of the most successful film franchise and most expensive independent films is selling out.  And of course he is!  Dude's ready to retire and let the young kids take a crack, just as he once did.  He will of course be a creative consultant but we all know that he just shouldn't direct or write or have anything to do with the movie-making process ever again. E-ver.

You could also say that Disney's more recent science fiction attempts, Tron: Legacy and John Carter, were commercial flops.  But know what?  I kinda liked 'em.  They were very un-Disney and I'm seeing the silver lining here and hoping for the best.

What does hoping for the best mean?  It means calming the fuck down, kids.  It means we won't be subjected to Jar Jar Binks anymore.  It means we get to go to the movie house amongst our own kind, dressed to the tits in Jedi robes, and enjoy what we love.  It means we get more damn Star Wars!

And in the end, it's all Disney's world anyway.  We're just living in it.





Monday, 8 October 2012

Truly Outrageous (Pricetag)

Jem & the Holograms are back, bitches.

On top of being a ratings behemoth on The Hub, Integrity Toys announced their new collectible doll line on their website a few months back  The first limited-edition doll, Hollywood Jem, was originally on sale at the Hasbro booth during the 2012 San Diego Comic-Con with more promised to arrive later this year.

Fast forward to today and their website has been updated with detailed images of "Classic" Jem, her alter ego Jerrica Benton, boy toy Rio Pacheco, and sexy hologram projector Synergy, all slated to drop in November 2012.


I've never actually owned a doll.  "Action figures", sure, gads!  (And yes, there's a vast distinction so don't get me started).  All that said, these are pretty damn awesome.  The catch?  Hollywood Jem ran a whopping $125.  When compared to Tonner dolls, that's actually on par with adult collectible dolls but still!

I wouldn't just be happy with these four either.  If I went in, I'd go all in, hunting down the other three Holograms plus the three Misfits. Add it all up and you're looking at $1,250 for a respectable collection.

The final price tag of these four new additions haven't been released yet but it's safe to say Jem ain't no cheap hooker.  Yay for new Jem & the Hologram toys and all but this cat's gonna pass.

Truly, truly, truly outrageou$ indeed.