Thursday, 23 February 2012

A Long Time Ago in a Whore House Far, Far Away

How is Star Wars connected to Moulin Rouge? It's a stretch but it's there.

In 2001, Ewan McGregor played Christian in Moulin Rouge, opposite Nicole Kidman who portrayed Satine, the courtesan with consumption.

The two star-crossed lovers were at opposite ends of the class system but their show tunes and smokin' hot bodies still left them wanting more.

Around the same time, McGregor was also starring in the Star Wars prequels as Obi-Wan Kenobi which spawned a spin-off animated series, Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

During the third season of The Clone Wars, Obi-Wan is revealed to be in his own forbidden and unrequited love tryst. In The Mandalore Plot, Obi-Wan is dispatched to protect the sovereign ruler of Mandalore (home of Boba Fett's infamous armour) who is named... Duchess Satine Kryze.

Huh? Huhhh?

The two star-crossed lovers were at opposite ends of political beliefs but their wits and smokin' hot bodies still left them wanting more.

The character of Satine also bore a startling resemblance to Kidman, even sporting a vague Australian accent.

The producers of The Clone Wars have never gone on record of saying that Satine Kryze is an homage to the Satine of Moulin Rouge fame but they've never denied it either.

Unfortunately, Obi-Was has yet to get gitchy gitchy ya ya da da with the Duchess but the series ain't over yet so fingers crossed this love story won't end with Satine croaking (again).

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

I Hate Daisy Duck

Those of you who know me know that I think Daisy Duck is a monstrous smelly cunt who I'd like to run over and over with my car.

But where does this searing hatred stem from? The simple answer would, of course, be that she's a bitch. But amongst Disney's stable of idiotic but well-meaning characters, she stands out as a completely unstable basketcase; a danger to both herself and others.

To the unseeing eye, Daisy is just another two dimensional "girlfriend" character. Doll up Mickey with a bow and dress and blam, you have Minnie. It followed that Donald deserved a similar treatment. Bow, dress, badda-bing, Daisy is the Yin to Donald's Yang.

But behind this fowl's foul mouth and temptress eyes lurked the mind of a monster...

In 1947's Donald's Dilemma, Donald suffers from amnesia and, for whatever reason, becomes a swingin' crooner who the ladies just love!

In a fit of rage and jealousy, Daisy spins through half a dozen psychological disorders, ranging from anorexia, insomnia, self-described insanity, and even threatens suicide.

Her other appearances in those early shorts feature Daisy flying off the handle in a drama queen meltdown that would make Donald's temper tantrums look like a mild rise in blood pressure. He's often portrayed so anxious around her that he even went so far as to join the French Foreign Legion in 1954's Donald's Diary.

Her mood swings, ability to make others uncomfortable, and psychological ailments combine together to make her the most evil and vindictive sociopath this side of Charles Manson.

Worse, I doubt poor Donald gets any. Looks like he'll have to take care of business himself...