Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Look which skinny bitch is back now...

I'll always be a sucker for 80's toys redone to modern sensibilities, be it the He-Man relaunch or my often wished-for Thundercats remake. The girl toys of yesteryear have been comparatively slower to jump on the fad but as I mentioned in a previous article, when they did, they showed up looking like anorexic tramps.

And look what we have here! Slutty, skinny, and starving Rainbow Brite! Ever since Strawberry Shortcake and the Care Bears came back, I've been waiting for Rainbow Brite to show her bony ass again and today the wait was over!

Appearing a little older than her original counterpart, Rainbow Brite clearly had it rough over the past twenty years. Without the use of hardcore needle drugs, no one loses that much weight to the point of looking emaciated and anemic. Having lost most of her luscious hair, she now keeps it simple but that comb-over doesn't fool anyone. Even the haunted look in her eyes betrays that photogenic smile. Yup, I'm talking clothes hanger abortions.

Not only did she lose some weight, she also ditched all of her original friends. Gone are the days of her Color Kid crew with one boy and one girl representing each shade of the rainbow. Since they wouldn't feed her crack habit, she opted to hang with characters introduced later on, Moonglow and Tickled Pink. I suspect they were the reason Rainbow Brite's life got so derailed in the first place.

I'm happy at least the fluffy lil' Sprites made it back unscathed but even they're looking more oval than round, y'know what I'm saying?

Time will tell if these new dolls will be a success or if our gal can reconnect with her old pals, stay clean, and defend Rainbow Land once more.

Orrrrr, she could just end up a drunken train wreck like the rest of her 80's pals...