Sunday, 29 March 2009

Paper Cats Watch You Do Naughty Things

Anyone familiar with lolcatz knows that the most infamous and nefarious lolcat is Ceiling Cat.

The omnipresent Ceiling Cat watches you masturbate with silent judgement and quiet giggles.

Now not everyone who lives in condos can have a cat that watches you wank so some fellow disturbing minds have created a template that lets you experience every awkward moment as if a real cat was poking through a hole in the ceiling... watching you... with its big, dead eyes...

The instructions are easy enough:

a) foldz n glue
b) stiks
c) I iz finished

Naturally, be it my coffee-induced shakes or over complicating the painfully simple, this was no easy feat. So I started with hardstock paper, painstakingly cut out the lil' dude, then scored all the edges I was meant to fold. Yeah, I used to work in a print shop, I know all the trikz.

With superglue, tape, and some nerdy dedication, I pieced him together and he's truly, truly awesome. Not only that but I can take him in my room, the bathroom at work, the Y, anywhere I happen to masturbate on any given day and he can watch me 'til I'm done! Yay!

Also available is the banister-hugging Monorail Cat who can chill on any flat surface and sit like a furry (albeit paper in this case) blob of cat.

You can find the templates here and here.

I can haz lube now?

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

A Fist Full o' Fun!

In an effort to capitalize on the success of the Optimus Prime voice changer or smashing Hulk hands, Playmates has dipped into the role playing toy market for their new license, Terminator: Salvation.

My reservations about hawking an R-rated, Bale-out movie to kids aside, there are some pretty bad ass gizmos like the Voice n' Vision Skull or Endoskeleton Patches. But the real clincher (or clencher) is the Deluxe T-600 Power Fist*.

Yes, now you too can have a mighty metal fist made famous by Governor Schwarzenegger! Simply slide your hand into the fist and marvel at the sounds it emits!

Feel your fist needs more punch? With a push of a button, it also vibrates! As the box promises, "feel the force of the Terminator" as you fist your friends with vindictive glee.

But wait kids, there's more! Aside from vibrating (powerfully one would assume), the fist also fires right from your arm! So, assuming you've got a lot of room where your fist happens to be, you can launch the fist even further for that real deep impact.

Yes, this toy has all your adventures in fisting in one handy (albeit coldly metal) package. I give this product two thumbs up, as well as any other fingers I can fit.

*Consult parents, physician, priest, or rabbi before fisting yourself or friends.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Love 'im or hate 'im

So this lil' beaut has been all over the interweb but I couldn't help but post it here as well.

This is a classic example of marketing mentality and quality control dropping the ball collectively. It's also ridiculously awesome.

So this Christmas, for the geeky, closet case gay basher in your life, get him the Wolverine punching bag. He can get his curious fix with a good blow up, then beat the crap out of him later for his sins.