Thursday, 26 June 2008

Who's Gayer?

Who's gayer? Leather daddy Panthro or lycra-lovin' Tygra?


Monday, 9 June 2008

Orange is the New Smug

I'm not exactly sure when it happened but orange tabby cats have the dubious honor of being labelled the c-bomb among the Felis Catus species. What brought the downfall of their once proud race can be attributed to a select few jerk offs who ruined the reputation of millions.

The prime suspect is none other that Jim Davis' saucy little minx, Garfield. Since 1978, this lazy, selfish, lasagna-loving feline has been terrorizing Odie and Nermal, sleeping 'til noon, and banging his shaved pussy Arlene.

Problem being, dude wasn't funny. At all. We're talking Family Circle not funny. He and his owner Jon would spar about why he's lazy, selfish, and fat. Then random violence would ensue or he'd just go back to bed. Pure hilarity!

Although he debuted far earlier in 1973 and is practically the same selfish, lazy, fat ass as his ripoff, Heathcliff's thunder was stolen by that sassy Garfield. The only real difference is that Heathcliff teamed up with Marmaduke and the Cadillac Cats sometimes.

Yeah, exactly. "Who?!"

Basically, he's just a smack-talking, trouble making arse and left me wanting to run him over. With a lawn mower.

Gargamel's hench-cat, Azrael, was barely a thorn in the Smurfs' sides. While more mangy and skinny compared to his predecessors, he was just as useless and whiny.

He also had a Scobby-Doo-esque speech impediment. Although he could talk, his words were hidden between meows.


At last, the King Fuck-Up of all orange tabby cats!

"The world's most finicky cat," Morris was the spokescat for 9Lives catfood and probably the reason why the brand died a slow and painful death.

Millions of middle-Americans probably feared that serving 9Lives to their pets would result in overweight, self-absorbed, pretentious douchebags.

And that's just what Morris was. And a possible closet homosexual. Just sayin' is all.

With roles models such as these, it's no wonder that public opinion of orange tabby cats have been given the bum rap. Thanks to these slothful, pathetic examples, the orange tabby kin has been subjected to an eternity of negative stigmas and racial profiling.

Then again, it could be that cats are just pricks.